So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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