Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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