Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
