I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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