If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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