Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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