You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
