what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize