we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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