I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
