Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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