watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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