If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
