I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
