This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
