my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
