i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
