So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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