Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
