I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
