im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
time to smoke my breakfast
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
