Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
