I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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