my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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