I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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