Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All the doctor said was why
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
