So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
