he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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