When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
