we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
