plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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