I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
