i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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