I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
