after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize