Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
