listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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