Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
