I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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