You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
