Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
