her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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