i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
