Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize