Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
