So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
