Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
