yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
