Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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