i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
