Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Alive.
So much puke
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
