Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize