i just google imaged poop.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
