Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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