You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
