You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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