Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
