she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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