He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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