Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
