you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
