I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
