You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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