Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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