May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
