i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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