so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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