chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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