You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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