You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
