Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
