she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
