i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
