turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
