i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
