well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize