Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
