I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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